My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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