She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
