so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
