I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
