I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
