I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
