I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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