ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize