uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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