Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
