I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
