He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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