can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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