Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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