When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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