My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
