I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
