Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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