There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
