i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
