Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
