walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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