Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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