there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
