I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
