it hurts more in the daytime
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
