Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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