its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
