4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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