I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
