she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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