Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize