I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize