I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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