If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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