i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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