Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
