you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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