I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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