when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
