Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
