People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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