I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
