someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
