Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He did a backflip because drugs
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
