If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
