Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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