brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Did I show you my penis last night?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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