something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
