when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
