do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
