I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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