So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
