Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
