Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
