when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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