he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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