the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
