Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
