shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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