it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize