47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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