call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
