So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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