last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
