I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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