im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
