he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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