You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
