you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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