I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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