They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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