Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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