a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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