she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
