i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
