Me. At least after what I've been through.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize