Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
