handjob tips. give me some.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
