New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize