I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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