he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You are a genius and a whore.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
