For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
