She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
