walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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