Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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