dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize