where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
