It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
