Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
