Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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