I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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