The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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