Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
that is very illegal...i love you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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