My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
