i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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