good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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