I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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