i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
