Slut skills are useful in every country.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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