everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
