what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
