Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
