The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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