My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
