You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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