I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
