Buhtt sex?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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