I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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