It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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