Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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